YOUR STORY
Struggle is part of every story. It is a part of every one of us. It is the very thing that makes stories great and we all have one of those stories to tell. Think about it- every book, movie, or theatrical performance has an element of personal conviction, physical altercation, or strife that must be overcome. It’s what makes the story compelling and brings you to the edge of your seat—anticipating if the main character will reach achievement. Even if the story has us an emotional mess, most people would have to admit, it isn’t much fun to watch if there isn’t something to be overcome. Triumph is what makes it great.
We look up to these characters--the ones that reach their own personal peak of heroism. We aspire to be them and somehow apply similar tenants into our own lives. However, in this process, I think we sometimes forget that we are living our own story. That we are in fact the hero or heroine in our own major production. And, yes, struggle is going to be part of that story.
I have often wondered what makes these characters finally decide to take action, whether it be doing the thing they are afraid of or the thing they know they should do to overcome the struggle. What makes this person finally decide to take charge of their own story? For me, “decide” is a keyword. It is a choice. The moment the pain of your current situation outweighs the pain of doing something is the moment when you decide to take action. Some might call this point rock bottom. The bottom is different for everyone, but, ultimately a person has to choose to make a change.This is an empowering realization. If i it is a choice then you can decide the fate of your future. It means your future isn’t just built on happy coincidence, genetics, or whether or not you are born into a wonderful family. The choice to believe you are worth something, to believe you can achieve whatever it is you want, to believe in your intelligence, beauty, and value is really up to you.
The idea that confidence and living in a state of happiness are things that some of us are born with and others are not is simply not true. According to researchers Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon Sheldon, and David Schade authors of “Pursuing happiness: the architecture of sustainable change,” scientists once thought that our degree of happiness was a matter of hereditary (a predetermined set point). Scientists have now discovered that we have far more control over our emotional well-being and that our baselines of happiness can change and that change can be sustainable. Those who display perpetual states of positivity do so because they worked toward the ability to exude these characteristics. These people make a conscious choice to think, act, and be different than the alternative even with their own share of struggles. Though society might say otherwise, acting this way isn’t something that just occurs overnight. Like anything, it takes time, diligence, dedication, and perseverance.
So how does one finally get to that tipping point of action? Well- there are lots of strategies depending on where and how you are stuck, but a change in state of mind will create the biggest bang for your buck. One of the most empowering states of mind associated with greater happiness and improved quality of life is gratitude. Research has shown gratitude to help people feel more positive emotions, improve health, build stronger relationships and deal with life’s hardships. According to one current study led by Dr. Martin, E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, a group of 411 people were tested on the effectiveness of various forms of positive psychology interventions. One of the assignments was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness. The results showed that the participants in this study exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores and the impact had lasting benefits.
Recently, I was giving a talk on positivity when someone asked me if I had always held such a mindset of positivity.The answer I was unable to give in my presentation is, “Most definitely not.” No one grows up perfectly and I am no exception. Before the age of 16, I was struggling with my mother’s physical and mental illnesses, my father’s infidelity, and my parents’ divorce, and my own battle with mental health issues. This was my rock bottom. I wanted to take charge of my own life and not be a victim to circumstance. So, I switched my mindset from one of victim to one of a triumphant heroine. I started looking for and appreciating all the amazing things I did have in my life instead of focusing on the ones that I didn’t or the ones that caused me harm. With a lot of help from friends, family, and professionals, I slowly but surely took charge of the most important thing in my life- my story.
The truth is- that life is hard and there will be struggle, but what we decide to do with and learn from our struggles can make all the difference. We have a choice not about what happens to us, but about what we do with what happens to us. In those moments when the world has you upside down, remember that when the going gets tough the tough get going. So, get going and write the ending to the most important story of all- yours.
